MacGyver in the kitchen

Most of you probably don't know that one of my favorite cheesy 80s/90s show of all time is ... MacGyver. When it was actually on the air, I watched all the new episodes, then I watched it on USA syndication every night at 7. I probably saw every episode about 3 times. Now I'm rewatching it through Netflix. Very nostalgic, really. And bad acting. But I can overlook that.

Because seriously, how can a show not be cool where a guy uses a chocolate bar to stop up an acid leak, running an clock on a potato, or using a binocular eyepiece to catch laser beams?

I think one of the appeals of the show is that he uses everyday objects to kick ass so decidedly. It's like a puzzle. They start playing that MacGyver theme, and you know he's going to throw together the ammonia, peanut butter, and vitamins into some new combo which gets him and the female heroine out of some totally hammed up cliche sticky situation.

So how can you be MacGyver in your own home? Your own kitchen even? No, we're not building bombs out of potatoes and dish soap. But I can tell you some tips on how to fix kitchen glitches, or ways to use kitchen products to get out of sticky situations.

1. Flour - Say your cat jumps on your lap and starts kneading your stomach with some seriously long claws. So you grab the nail clipper and set to it. And then the blood-curdling shriek lets you know that you really shouldn't have been distracted by the tv (MacGyver, of course), and you notice you've cut her nails a little too close. Then you start to freak out, because you've heard that cats can lose a lot of blood through their claws if you cut them too short. And what if she goes into her catbox and rousts around in there with her cut claw and it gets infected? So you grab your phone and dial the vet, which (because it's the weekend) reroutes you to the animal hospital. And what do they tell you to do to clot up her poor poor little kitty claw? Put flour on it. Seriously. And it works! (Not that I've personally been through this situation, no no not me...)

2. Potato - I seem to remember from Mr. Wizard that a potato actually can run a clock. But since I doubt you could get a potato clock to play Debussy's Arabesque as an alarm, I think I'll stick to my cell phone. Digression. Anyway. Point is, if you accidentally over-salt your dish, drop a peeled potato in while the dish is still cooking. The potato will absorb the excess salt.

3. Potato - So one day I'm sitting around and happen to glance at my hands. And the tips of my fingers are all black. Wtf? How did the tips of my fingers get black? So I grabbed my scrubbing rock thing (I have no idea what it's called, that probably indicates how much I actually use it...) and scrub the black off my fingers (I later realized that it was basil juice from tearing up basil leaves). Having sensitive skin, scrubbing is not the best option for me. Other options? Potatoes. Slice and rub raw potato on the stain and rinse with water.

4. Apple - If you're like me and only bake once a year (Christmas cookies, yum), then you may have a block of granite brown sugar sitting in your cabinet. And if you're like me, you looked in the cabinet and said "oooh, I have brown sugar, I don't have to buy any more!" And then leave that particular cookie recipe until you're covered in flour with hair going every which way, and thus in no condition to go out to the store (unless you want to get people running away looking at you funny). And so you scrape and scrape and scrape at the danged block of brown sugar, and grab out your grater on it (idea! would the slicer function of a food processor work on this?), and basically kill your shoulder getting a 1/4C of sugar off it. And really all you need to do is place a slice of apple in the container to soften it up. I also have a cute little pottery (terra cotta) bear that I got for Christmas (after the cookies, thank you very much) that can be soaked in water and then put in the container, same purpose as the apple, but more expensive.

5. Wine - Don't throw out your leftover wine! (you have leftover wine? Seriously?) It can be frozen into ice cubes and used in casseroles and sauces. Or if you're having a party and run out of alcohol, you could always just start sucking wine cubes. Now I'm curious how that would taste.

6. Marshmallow - My dad has a very cute cockapoo named Nik. Nik loves chocolate, and desserts, and well really any kind of food. They were eating ice cream cones the other day (the people, not the dog), when Nik started to whine feel really left out of all the sugary fun. So he takes an ice cream cone. Bites it from the bottom. Proceeds to get chocolate ice cream all over his white fur. And hasn't this happened to all of us (well, not the dog stealing your ice cream cone, but the bottom of the cone dripping all over your face and shirt)? Your remedy - stuff a miniature marshmallow at the bottom of the sugar cone to prevent any drips. Which won't help if you take a big bite out of the bottom, but it will stave off any unwanted drippage.

7. Lime - Bad headache? Throbbing like a techno club in your skull? Possible old wive's tale Potential miracle remedy - cut a lime in half and rub it on your forehead. Rumor has it the throbbing will go away.

Any other tips? MacGyverisms?

Monday Recipe - Party Edition

A while back, my father told me about a restaurant he went to where they had a big glass vat of pineapple soaking in vodka. So this starting my brain-a-whirling. Sounds incredibly yummy to have at a party, right? Then I figure, I should get one of those glass jar with tap things, so I went to BB&B to pick one up. Chop up two fresh pineapples, put them in. Then poured a BIG bottle of vodka overtop....and the vodka starts leaking everywhere. So I figure, the tap must be on the "on" position. Nope. It's just that much of a piece of crap. Transfer to plastic pitcher (sealed). Set to steep for three weeks before party. The pineapple did turn colors a little bit (a little brownish, some of them bleached to white a bit), but it tasted fine. So here's what I did with it:

Orange pineapple vodka
(I wasn't measuring these out precisely, especially after I got through one or two of them. I just kinda poured and went with what I got)

2 parts pineapple vodka
1 part orange curacao
1/2 part orange juice
1/2 part 7up
dash grenadine (optional)
dash ginger liqueur (optional)

I just discovered the ginger liqueur the other day and haven't tried too much of it yet, but it comes in the prettiest bottle ever and looks great as decoration.

This drink is definitely quite strong. I only had three and that was fine for me for about five hour span (including the requisite headache the next morning).

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Since it's corn season, I wanted to make a corn with butter, lime, and cilantro recipe I've done before. Then I went to the farmer's market and found a whole slew of yummy stuff. I'd never tried kohlrabi before, and in this dish it doesn't have much flavor, but adds a nice crunch. Also, I managed to find fresh local ginger, which is very hard to find (most ginger comes from Hawaii). The only difference (apart from price) is that it doesn't have that thick brown skin on it, and it's not very fibrous in general. So when I chopped it up for the slaw, you get the ginger flavor without feeling like you're chewing on gingery strings. I'm a convert now, really I am.

The recipe below made enough for a small party, plus leftovers for several meals.

Gingery Corn Slaw

8 ears of corn
1 kohlrabi bulb, peeled and julienned
4 large colorful radishes, sliced and quartered (I used 2 purple and 2 red radishes, which adds yummy color to the dish)
1/4C scallions (give or take, mix it around and just judge on how many you think you'll need to spread evenly throughout)
2-3T butter (or olive oil)
lime
basil (or cilantro) - I think I might have used a 1/4C, but I don't know. I have a basil plant and I just kept plucking more until I thought it was evenly distributed
2" ginger, julienned
salt/pepper

Cook the corn lightly (so that it's just barely cooked. You don't want it to get soggy). Take ears out of water, let cool. Slice corn kernals off of the ears and return to pot (without water). Add butter, salt, pepper, ginger, lime, and basil. Cook until fragrant and flavors are mixed through. Put corn in a large bowl to cool.

Add kohlrabi, radishes, and scallions. Adjust salt/pepper as needed. Eat leftovers cold.

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This is one of my standards that I've made for parties. You could probably substitute chicken or turkey instead of the pork, if you wanted to. This is a dangerous recipe, because the wontons are so small and tasty, they tend to disappear pretty quickly! But because they're cooked relatively healthily, they won't add to your waistline as much as fried ones would. I made a double recipe from the one below and it made a full plate of wontons which nearly disappeared at the party, as well as having 2-3 "meals" of leftovers.

Pork Apple Currant Wontons

6.5oz ground pork
1 tart apple (granny smith is a good option), grated
3T dried currants (or more)
T hoisin or fish sauce (I used hoisin)
T plum sauce
wonton wrappers (one package should be fine)
1-2 eggs
olive/grapeseed oil

Preheat oven to 375.

Heat oil in a pan, add ground pork. Cook 2-3 minutes. Add grated apple and cook until pork is browned. Remove from heat. Add currants and sauces. Let cool.

Grease baking sheet (or use silicon cookie sheets on top). Set up assembly line of wonton wrappers, plate to wrap the wontons, bowl with egg(s) scrambled up, and pan.

Set out wonton wrapper. Put a small dollop of the meat mixture in the middle of the wonton. Using your finger, line the outside edges of the wonton wrapper in egg. Fold the wonton in half, sealing the edges together, in the shape of a triangle. Turn the triangle so the hypotenuse faces you. Fold the right bottom corner of the triangle towards the left as far as it will go (without tearing the wrapper or folding the meat over). Fold the left side on top of that. It should now look like the picture.

As you finish each wonton, put it on the pan. Once the pan is full, pop it in the oven and cook about 10-15 minutes, or until browned. Let cool (trust me on this...hot wontons, while tasty, will sear the taste buds right off your tongue).

To reheat, just set out again on a pan and bake until warm.

Friday Rant - I am NOT a fruit!

Ever since I was a low-esteemed teenager I've had trouble with using fruit terminology to describe people's bodies. Now that I'm a confident almost-30 year old, I have even more of a problem with it, but for different reasons.

And here's my problem, I have a classic hourglass shape. Large chest, good sized hips, small waist = hourglass. The problem? In the fruit system, this equals an apple shape. And granted, if I were to gain a bunch of weight, it would tend to center around my middle first, and would turn me into an apple shape. But as of right now, I am not and apple shape. But the fruit system doesn't allow for hourglass. It's apple or pear (is there another one I'm not aware of?).

Growing up, my mother used this system (she has a pear shape and would tell me I was an apple shape. Not to say I was large or whatever, but as a statement of fact, since that is how that system works). And I was a teenager in the 90s, and fully embraced the plaid shirt grunge trend, so my shirts went straight down from my chest, which did in fact make me look like I had a big round apple shape. So this made me feel like I was fat, even though looking at pictures now I realize I wasn't.

But now that I have a more confidence voice on me, I'm speaking out against this system, because really, there are so many more shapes than just apple and pear. I like this site, which seems a lot more reasonable. They list three body types:

1. Short waist - your body may be defined as an H shape, or column (Princess Diana, Anne Hathaway), or if you become overweight, you may become an apple shape (Dawn French) - am I supposed to know who that last one is? The thing I really like here is that it says that you may become an apple shape if you become overweight, not just if you have big chest and hips

2. Long waist - shoulders approximately the same width as hips, in either an 8 shape (Catherine Zeta-Jones, Cate Blanchett) or hourglass shape (Jessica Simpson) - I have a really long waist, such that I can be shorter than a guy standing up, then taller than him sitting down

3. Shoulders narrower than the hips, then you're a V shape (Jennifer Garner, Keira Knightly - long waisted, Salma Hayak - short waisted), and if you really must use the fruit system "pear shaped"

I must say I like the letters and numbers system so much better. V-shape, 8-shape, H-shape, all good. No easy letter/number for hourglass, any suggestions?

I just feel like telling anyone, especially a young adolescent girl, that they're an apple shape, or even a pear shape (have you seen a pear? That bottom half is really big!) just reinforces any sense of low self esteem they already have about their body. Because even if you know you have an hourglass shape, you may not be confident about it, and being called an apple focuses your attention on your tummy and how big it is (even if it isn't all that big) and makes you feel bad about it.

Ok, now to get out of my teenage mind spiral. I am confident about my body now, given how well I eat and how much I exercise. I have the same twinges of body issues that all American women have, because seriously, in this society it's hard to get away from it. But I seriously bridle every time I hear someone called an apple shape or a pear shape. Even if someone is truly an apple shape with a "buddha tummy," I don't feel like it's positive reinforcement to say that to them (and isn't necessarily going to inspire them to lose the buddha tummy, even if they can).

Agree? Disagree? Never thought about it?